What is it with me and guys with name starting with "D"? I always like guys with their name starting with "D"..well, actually just 2. BUT it is very freaky alright! Anyway, I have this crush on a caucasian guy sitting behind me during econ class and for the past 3 weeks, mind you 3 weeks, I'm trying to find out what his name is and I tried looking from the quiz papers every friday. However, it always failed. Now, my hard work paid off!!! I know his name! Not by looking from quiz paper but the contact he wrote to his sitting partner in econ class. heheheh =)...You may wonder why didn't I just ask him his name right..cannot la embarrassing!!! ohh his name is DAN! the short form for DANIEL!!!!! I like daniel and now there is a guy called dan...

Dan had this hair which I think quite nice but today he came to class all shaved!!!! All that is left on his hair is those tiny hair!!! But he still looks charming...HAHAHAHA....

change topic!! What's with all the adults acting all immature? My bro and his gf, after eating this pie caramel with whip cream and champagne as drink, they became "insane" and started running around the apt trying to get whip cream to one another's face..How dumb could it get? Not only that they both were drunk, I think they also had sugar-rush...Adults can't really take sweet stuffs cos their metabolism get weak...Poor, Poor old people...

Tmr I'm having this stupid philo exam...I had to memorise a whole bunch of things...damn!

I'm sad
I'm hurt
I'm desperate for acceptance and love from my family
I'm crying is silence
I'm in a dilemma
I'm tired of crying yet I can't stop
I'm tired on how my mom never really sees me
I'm tired on how my mom loves my brother more
I'm tired of everything

ALL I ever wanted is a nice peaceful family: Father, Mother, Brother and me...

but it is one thing I can never have...never for the rest of my life...and I have to live with it...

I always ask god why did he choose me to be born into this family - A BROKEN one. To test my ability to survive without a father? or to survive the fact that mother loves brother more? or a family that can never accept me for who I am?

Does any of you realize how much pain my own family has caused me? The embarrassment of not having a dad in a tender age of 8? The biasness that revolves around the house? All I know is that people keep thinking that I am lucky to be born into a rich family and I always got everything I want. It is just superficiality people! In high school, people say I am fortunate when they don't even know a single thing about me. Whenever you people said something about your dad not letting you go out or telling you to study, I am very envious of you all! The pain of not having a father is very painful. Do you know how embarrassing it is to tell people you don't have a dad when they asked you about your dad? People who asked me would looked at me in awe and said sorry. It is very embarrassing alright? I am not as fortunate as what you people think!

I yearn the day when I could spend the day as a normal family on the street. I would just be jealous looking at my friends who have dad. I miss my dad despite the fact that I would say that I don't.

During parents' day, I would be all alone in the classroom with my aunt who takes me as her own daughter and I would see my friends in envy as their parents take a day off/ a few hours from work to go to their child's parents' day. I always tell myself that mom has to work and that she is busy. I really wish I could have my dad back. I'm willing to give up everything I have right now just to have a nice family who can accept me for who I am and my abilities.

Not a family where I don't even know where my father is now, a mom who just give an unconvincing/ not interested "oh" whenever I told her something good or a mom who is bias and of course not a brother who is very irresponsible.

I pray that one day, all those misery would just disappear with me one day....I am tired of this ever-so-drama life...I live my life as if I'm a puppet...I live my life pathetically...

If I'm reborn into this world, I want to be born into a family who accepts me for who I am and love me for who I am.

I am going to drown from all the homework; especially philosophy! I still have around 4 philosophy reading questions, 1 philosophy exam on tuesday night, 1 economics essay on consumer price index, and 1 english presentation which is still due 2 weeks from now. Thank god this quarter is ending in 3 weeks time which means I am going to have finals soon.

FINALS:
ECON - MARCH 16
ECON (POST EXAM REVIEW) - MARCH 19
ENGLISH (PRESENTATION) - MARCH 14 - MARCH 16
PHILOSOPHY - MARCH 20

Future schedules:

SPRING QUARTER :
ENG 101
MAT 123
ACC 210
AST 100

SUMMER QUARTER:
ENG 102
MAT 124
ACC 220
MAT 116

FALL QUARTER:
ACC 230
ECO 201
MAT 125
MAT 117

WINTER QUARTER`08:
ECO 200
BUS 100
BUS 200
CHE 139

SPRING QUARTER`08:
JRN 100
MUS 100
ENV 150
BUS 210

all the above schedule may subject to change...But I am still not certain whether I want to take 2 math classes in each quarters...In any case, I have to take calculus if I want to go to UCB which I'm not sure whether I could get in. Well, I would just have to go to UCB this spring break and ask a few questions I have.

Now, I shall get back to my assignments.

Thank god that I got through the week! Today's econ test was easy! I have decided not to skip anymore class for the time being! I had been skipping philosophy class for the past 2 weeks and THE ASSIGNMENTS ARE PILLING UP! I can't even finish it!!! I guess I will just have to stay up and work through it. In 3 weeks, Winter quarter will end and I will have my spring break. I really can't wait for the Spring quarter then summer then I shall go back to Indo for holiday! (Not forgetting to stop by SG for around 3 days to see some friends and teachers)

My bookcase arrived yesterday, and it is very heavy and tall! I placed it in my room yesterday and assembled it MYSELF today after class. Because of it, I know why I sucked at D&T in sec 1&2... The front of the case became the back as I nailed the back of the bookcase cover and then the back became the front. My shelf now looks like a leopard. It is a cherry colored shelf and there is patches of light birchwood because it is the back of the shelf. Even my bro said I sucked! Oh yah not forgetting that the shelf is slanted to the poor workwomanship here... I think all I can ever do is to shop, shop and shop. Bless me for that!

BULET! If you're reading this entry, it would make you happy, perhaps. MY MOM ALLOWS ME TO GO TO SAN FRANCISCO THIS SPRING BREAK!!! AHHHHH!!!!! HAPPY???

People, People! Please HEAR me! The dumb bookstore is looking for a MORNING cashier. MY CLASS is in the morning. So do you know what it means? I CAN'T GET A JOB AT THE BOOKSTORE! I am so depressed right now because since I can't get the job at the bookstore, I have to be a tutor. If I want to be a tutor on campus, I can only be one in SUMMER! I guess i will be jobless and broke until july arrives.

Anyway, when I woke up this morning, I saw pee on Conrad's box. So he peed there! I think it's because I caught him red-handed peeing in my room yesterday night. When he peed yesterday, I hit him and brought him to his box. So yay! Rejoice! Because my dog knows where to pee now. BUT he still doesn't know where to poop yet. Well, it takes time for a dog to learn yeah?

Yay! The college bookstore do employ students who do not have any SSN yet. So I guess I will be appying for that job then. However, I do stumble a few questions from the application form and a little problem. For instance, I do not have any PREVIOUS employment. What am I going to do about that employment history column? Leave it blank? Actually I was thinking of putting my mother's name there and then I would claim that I worked in Indonesia before coming to USA to study. BUT it is so called cheating! BAH! Anyway, let's go to the some questions I've got. Actually it is rather personal stuff just like when will I be available to start work, what is the salary I expect, position(s) I desired/ areas of interest. Here's what is going on. If I were to write down that I will start work only after this quarter, I am afraid that it would reflect badly. Next, I sure do want a high salary. However, I can't possibly write down how much exactly I want as I'm afraid that the employer would think that I think highly of myself to ask for the HIGH salary. Moreover, I have no idea on how much they are willing to pay a college student like me with no working experience at all. WORSE, the desired position. I really have no idea on what people working in bookstore do. Actually, I was thinking of a cashier, but I hate standing on one place the whole time. So, I thought of being the attendant (basically, helping those who have troubles finding their textbooks, etc.) They leave 3 blanks for the position column. Is there anyone of you who could help me out?

Other than the good news from the bookstore, you could say that I have a bad starting day in the morning. As usual, I walked to the bus stop at the convention center. Today is so windy and I almost flew when I walked to the bus stop. It is just some minor setback for the windy day. After I reached the bus stop, bus 11 arrived and I boarded it through the back door. From downtown, you can board the bus anywhere, from the front or the back. When I want to board the bus there was this stupid big dog that was on my way. So I couldn't got in. When the dog got up on his sitting position (let's assume it is not a bitch), I boared the bus and to my dismay, the dumb bus driver close the stupid door, leaving my bag outside the door while my body was IN the bus! You got it right, I was STUCK on the door. It was so embarassing! On the bus, I was cursing the stupid driver under my breath. Now, I have a little trauma with stupid automated doors like lift door.

The one thing that could cheer me up is that I got the job at the bookstore. Wish me luck!

I dont understand why my dog has to pee and poop everywhere in the apartment! He's been in his new home for a month! Actually, he peed a few times at his own box but after that day he went on to pee everywhere again...

Today is the last day of the long weekend for this month and the next month and the next month and the next month..

Oh yah, I will be looking for a campus job next quarter. I was thinking as an employee of the school bookstore/ a tutor/ a library work. I doubt I can get a job in The Buzz. First of all, I do not know how to make a simple coffee let alone some fancy coffee like caramel machiatto. Just keeping my fingers cross for now that I will at least get a job!

Happy chinese new year people!!! This year and the next 5 subsequent years i will not celebrate any cny..why? cos i am in USA and people here don't celebrate it...this yr i've got no hong bao..a very sad thing for a teenager like me...

speaking of the shelf yesterday, i eventually bought it online...well, partly because of yesterday's incident and also because the fact that i do not want to carry the shelf from the store back to my apartment...

it is kind of boring to be living in an apartment alone without parents..well, partly beacause when you're hungry, you have to cook for yourself..darn!

i think i shall update when i have to mood..ciao~

guess what? i am not going to buy my shelf today...i think it is hard to be the youngest child..i mean i'm always stuck in the middle...here's what happened

i called my mum around 4 just now to say happy cny...since it is cny in indo now...so after which, she asked me about bro and his sch...of cos being a good daughter i told her the FACT. well, what can i do? i already lied to mum before and i wouldn't want to repeat it again! so when i passed the phone to bro..mum, of cos, reprimanded him! when the connection to the phone was cut off due to the poor connection in indo, she called him back but this time his mobile...and again start her scolding...during that interval when the connection wasc cut off, i went to his room to take conrad and he asked "WHY DO U HAVE TO TELL HER EVERYTHING????" of cos i told him that mum asked then he said "WELL, U CAN JUST MAKE SOMETHING UP RIGHT???" the hell would i want to do that!

FCUKER!!!! if something happened the fingers will be pointing at me..regardless of whether i lied or not it is always my fault...see how it goes when i'm always like the middlewoman...i think this is one of the reasons on why i want to be in sf rather than be in seattle with my bro...he's dirty, irresponsible, takes things lightly, has no sense of urgency, lazy, etc...i really wish i would get accepted in ucb...and LEAVE this stupid city....

I woke up at around 11 am today cos my bro woke me up and asked whether i already fed conrad (my dog)..well, to my dismay i have not...so that's the end of my beauty sleep. oh i want to thank nish for helping me with my blog templete..i had a real hard time putting it up. so THANKS nish~

All of a sudden, i miss sg friends..i miss those times when i would spend the weekdays with them...i really wish i could turn back the time...

today i will be going to target/ walmart to get my bookshelf...my books, binders, papers, notebook are everywhere in my room...it is so messy right now...