I'm sad
I'm hurt
I'm desperate for acceptance and love from my family
I'm crying is silence
I'm in a dilemma
I'm tired of crying yet I can't stop
I'm tired on how my mom never really sees me
I'm tired on how my mom loves my brother more
I'm tired of everything

ALL I ever wanted is a nice peaceful family: Father, Mother, Brother and me...

but it is one thing I can never have...never for the rest of my life...and I have to live with it...

I always ask god why did he choose me to be born into this family - A BROKEN one. To test my ability to survive without a father? or to survive the fact that mother loves brother more? or a family that can never accept me for who I am?

Does any of you realize how much pain my own family has caused me? The embarrassment of not having a dad in a tender age of 8? The biasness that revolves around the house? All I know is that people keep thinking that I am lucky to be born into a rich family and I always got everything I want. It is just superficiality people! In high school, people say I am fortunate when they don't even know a single thing about me. Whenever you people said something about your dad not letting you go out or telling you to study, I am very envious of you all! The pain of not having a father is very painful. Do you know how embarrassing it is to tell people you don't have a dad when they asked you about your dad? People who asked me would looked at me in awe and said sorry. It is very embarrassing alright? I am not as fortunate as what you people think!

I yearn the day when I could spend the day as a normal family on the street. I would just be jealous looking at my friends who have dad. I miss my dad despite the fact that I would say that I don't.

During parents' day, I would be all alone in the classroom with my aunt who takes me as her own daughter and I would see my friends in envy as their parents take a day off/ a few hours from work to go to their child's parents' day. I always tell myself that mom has to work and that she is busy. I really wish I could have my dad back. I'm willing to give up everything I have right now just to have a nice family who can accept me for who I am and my abilities.

Not a family where I don't even know where my father is now, a mom who just give an unconvincing/ not interested "oh" whenever I told her something good or a mom who is bias and of course not a brother who is very irresponsible.

I pray that one day, all those misery would just disappear with me one day....I am tired of this ever-so-drama life...I live my life as if I'm a puppet...I live my life pathetically...

If I'm reborn into this world, I want to be born into a family who accepts me for who I am and love me for who I am.